on dead racoons, leprichauns and angels

Oh so much to tell so little time- it’s short stories week


How to kill a dead raccoon?
It’s very easy any way- you just drive in south ohio- sooner or later a dead one will seat on the road- it’s kind of a hangout for them
It was sleeping in the middle of the road- so I moved directly on top him but it hit the bottom of my car- so I killed it after it was dead- still not nice…
I still haven’t seen a live rackoon not in a zoo

So my car was punished and is now in detention 4 hours away from here- in buffalo new York – after being in 4 states in 1 day on Thursday- I ended up in olean new York – we had a demo to do and something was broken in shipping so I took Sean (a sales guys) rental SUV with the cart to the office and he took my car to fly home- so it’s there now, with nothing else to do but watching the plains go by- still no plan on how to get it back…

The way to Olean was interesting – 3.5 hours drive at night is always fun- especially when the gas light turns on- and all the gas stations on the way are closed… I passed by 4 stations in small town- no life- and no way to pay even with a credit card- drove close to 50 miles with the gas light on- using no gas on downhill, closing the AC- finally got to a gas station.

So after a day at the hospital with only a salad (lots of 1000 islands sauce…) we were about to go back- with each other’s car when this woman comes and offers free pizza- she was making it for people at the hospital who went home- so we shared some- and took some for the way- she only asked to pay it forward (yes, like the movie) so I redeemed it by releasing a moth… later
So I drive back with a red full moon and 3 hours later I get sleepy so I stop at a junk food place with the tray of pizza from the pizza lady, that place which was closed- so I move next door- to ‘pizza hut’ with a tray from another store- they had no bin on the outside so I am hiding the tray behind my back while ordering soup- and throwing the other tray away in the bathroom
The waitress talks on the phone with her boyfriend who broke his finger and apologizes to me for not being quick- crazy nation

Speaking of nation- I went to Plymouth rock which is where the 1st immigrants landed- and seen a replica of the original mayflower and where they lived and such- they would be please to know that their city is now a shopping mall- but they gave honor to the Indians who were friendly to them…big mistake… he could have changed the world- now the Indians are stuck in reservations with casinos.

So what is the difference between Irish festival in Israel and US
I think I like the Israeli one better- it’s smaller, and you dance Irish dances and go to shows- same concept here but with a lot of shopping – but you have more shows, original Irish food like Italian sausage, Hawaiian smoothie and Greek gyros- but still had lots of fun.
The young Dubliners were a highlight of some kind of a highlight- playing Irish rock- the issue is they are not from Dublin- I was there I didn’t see them, and not so young any more- but still fun.

It was a hot day so we left the festival in the middle ant went to cool down in the lake-
You may have seen Baywatch- with the life gourds- but the lake watch are something else
You can probably recall the army days when you could sit on watch – the last/ first 10-15 minutes of every hour- and you sat on both- well here it’s the same- they get 15 minutes off- the problem is that all the life gourds are off duty at the same time- so the blow the horn- and everybody exists the water- the entire beach- I was surprised by the discipline – this happens every hour on the clock- they have cops ready to give tickets for those who want to enter the beaches unsupervised – these cops of course work only 15 minutes of every hour….
When in lake watch – follow these rules
No going deeper then chest high.
No jumping off somebody’s shoulders (mine)
They take out all the fun- safety is overrated.

So we went back to the festival grounds and after my near no gas incident with my car- I didn’t learn my lesson and actually ran out of gas with the rental- damn SUV gas eating monster
We get stuck in the middle of an intersection- so I get out and start pushing- and a Hammer looking car from behind- pulls over- this guy (Mark, mortgage broker)comes out and starts to push with me.
His wife(colleen , a yoga instructor who graduated today from yoga school) in the car pulls ahead of us and we nearly hit her car- but she is quick, and moves away- they pull us over to the side- and drive us to the gas station nearby.
We get a tank – but the SUV is hungry- and it’s not enough to get it started- so they drive us again… and back- road angels indeed
And they wouldn’t accept a dinner invitation- but in 2 weeks after Vegas – we will take them out.

On the road from akron to Olean last Thursday the road passes by Cleveland- so I listen to an Israeli collection and the cruelest song is played just as I go by the exit to my place- ‘ani hozer habayta (im coming home)’ which is a rip-off of an Italian song- so I am singing with it while driving away- do not pass go, or collect 200$ but drive 200 miles…

Are the French smarter than the Irish?
In Israel we have an Irish pass- mostly in the north- you drive and then the road will go down to a small creek and go up again very steeply- that is an irish pass- the problem is that if there are water in that creek- they have the right of way and you are stuck,- the French came up with a better solution of putting the road ABOVE the water- a new concept – and every such bridge is called ‘french creek’

Sunday was a leisurely so we went to a Canoe O event- O stands for orienteering – the idea is you go in a canoe in a very nice lake and race like in orienteering to get to as many points in a given time (2 hours) so we road like crazy- it was me, Alla and crazy Robert ( I need to load something on you tube) – at some areas there are points on land- so we drop Robert of and he runs to one side of an inlet and up a hill through a swamp to get us points, then we do another inlet so it’s my turn to run- I am a great sprinter but a bad long distance runner- the distance is short but after an hour of canoeing – it seems long and I am poorly dresses for running- sandals, and sweat pants already soaked with water- and they are heavy and pull me down- so I am lifting my skirts(pants) and running slowly like that barely breathing but I can’t stop (they guy was in a swamp…), raspberry thorns get stuck in my feet- I kind of make it there in time. Then we row quickly to the finish line with 2 minutes to spare (you get panelized heavily if you are late) and we come in 2nd place- not bad for my first canoe-o event. The 1st team cheated by the way- they were in better shape.


And finally the best shirt in the world- have you seen my ‘god made grass, men made booze, who do you trust?’, t-shirt
I love that shirt- I took it to the Irish fair and got so much attention (u know I love the attention)- 20-30 people actually stopped me to praise the shirt- I should have gotten then on camera- I asked one but he refused
Not lying, as god (AllA) is my witness, and lots more just see the shirt , laugh and walk away- I am looking for another festival to wear it again- special occasions only.

Oh I almost for forgot about the old man and the shoe- based on the classic the old man and the sea- Moti- my mother’s husband is 60 minus 4 days today- that is why we are all meeting in Denver to celebrate- my mom and shai are here in Cleveland now and we are driving there with a stop at cedar point today…. Any way- moti through his back and could not bend to tie his shoes
So he got a Romanian assistant to do that (my mom)- with a very funny scene which is now on you tube http://www.youtube.com/v/UQXiAG3NGK4

Since this is infect a blog- it’s time to movie it to a real one- the blogil will be published soon at an internet near you

And on the way to the lake we stopped at a gas station and asked for directions- a guy came out and was driving to his home which is just by where we were going and offered us to follow him- what are the odds of such a timing- that was angel 3 over the weekend (pizza, gas and road) so I must be lucky