on sleeping like a baby and poo water

I really don't understand my caretakers, they worked hard to give me a name, had a Rabi call it out loud, invited people to witness and now they keep calling me by other names, its very difficult to figure when they are trying to talk to me. they call me kushkush, mattanchuck, mattanush, pashosh, pashoson, package, a package with a package, full of shit, poopy, cutey and many others , you see how a baby can be confused!

 

they don't think i am clear enough and they decided to give me a bath. they covered me in clothes, then poor some yellow substance on my hair , and rinsed it off, what the point of putting something on me if you are going to take it off? then they amerced me in water and put this substance on me and right away took it off. the water felt like the womb, are they planning to send me back?

at first i was concerned about this water so in an attempt to delay this treatment, i pooped in the water. Familiar just replaced the water, late i peed in this pool, and again they replaced the water. my powers are useless against this tub. but I didn't cry, i am saving those for later while they sleep.

 

another song i want to translate.

our car is big and green, our car travels far, leaves in the morning, returns in the evening, delivers eggs and milk to the dairy farm.

 

well, our car is red, its not big at all, it doesn't travel by itself  like the green car in the song, is that a magic car? and why would it deliver eggs and milk to the dairy farm, it should bring it FROM this place. and how do you get enough milk for a whole car, and a big car like this one?,is there a pumping matching for the entire city?

 

what does it mean- sleeping like a baby? does it mean waking out every 3 hours and not finding food right away? they are now taking me to loud places, a restaurant, a party and all i do there is sleep, they seemed to like it. not sure why these people dont eat from the bottle, they should try it.

 

i am now 24 days old

 

on falling things

it fell off! i am not kidding, it fell off. I am not sure what the purpose of that thing in the middle of my stomach , but stuff is not supposed to fall off, does it? It didn't do much, just sat there, the problem is that my face is now pealing, does it mean my face will also fall off?

 

last week was hectic, i finally understood why they tried to cut it off. they took my underwear again, a very annoying process, it got cold and it lost control and suddenly i feel a warm stream on my face! it entered my mouth, yuk, i would cut it off myself but i can't get pass these underwear.

 

Lipstick and familiar took me in the mobile unit to the small research facility. the aliens there did more experiments on me. i am gaining weight and they are happy about it, how strange, usually they want people to lose weight. they also measured my head size, girth, length, width, circumference, diagonal and a whole lot of irrelevant things. it was hectic this week with many new aliens visiting, with my 18 hours day sleep schedule, having to entertain them took all my spare recording activities time, they all want to hold me for some reason, i felt like a freezbee, tossed around.

 

i keep hearing the list of 100 songs- let me translate another for you, its a classic they say

the little bunny forgot to close the door, he got a cold the poor guy and got the sniffles ,  la la la atchu, la la la atchu . la la la atuch , la la la la.

 

now if this bunny is little like me, how can he reach the door? i can't . it makes no sense. doesn't he have any caretakers to close the door for him and turn on the heater.

and he got the sniffles, so why are they happy about it singing la la la?

 

they apparently don't take enough photos of me, now they brought an external paparazzi. they undressed me again, and kept telling me to smile,  would you smile if they undressed you in front of strangers?

 

i hear my paparazzi passed his citizenship test and he will soon be an American. not sure whats the big deal, all you have to do is be born to one, how hard is that?

 

how do you stop hiccups? i eat then want to go back to sleep but they keep coming up and wake me.

 

yesterday was a big day, they dressed me up like a doll and took me to this big place with lots of aliens. they were praying and singing, then this mail alien guy decided to give me a name. what is this the never ending story, i already have a name. Mattan lev.

after that they had lots of food and many many aliens holding me , not letting me sleep, they even had cookies with my name on it. do you think they would give me one oh those? No. I have to settle for more milk

 

in case you wanted to know how can i write without being able to close the door. well, there is an app for that. cry2blog.

 

good night for now,

I am now 17 days old.

 

 

Mattan days 2-10 photos (slightly too many :) )

https://plus.google.com/u/0/104769303678729727539/posts/PANSAdmC9NM#104769303678729727539/posts/PANSAdmC9NM

 

on games and jonathan

I am playing some games with the caretakers.

 

I like to play fetch with paparazzi, he likes it. i say he he he and wiggle a bit and he brings me my pacifier, i fool him by sucking on it for a while, then drop it, say he he again and he rushes to get it, so much fun...

 

we also play where is the poop, I wait till he takes of my underwear and replace with a new one, and then i poop.

 

Paparazzi is much easier to handle, i can make him do anything with just a hehe sound.

 

today was exciting, I was placed in a smaller mobile transport unit and we left the current research facility and saw some other research facilities that we didn't go to. its strange here out side, the trees have lots of baby leaves and this place has no sun, though I've heard its spring.

 

caretakers try to play music for me from a disc called 100 first songs. some of these songs are ridiculous

let me translate for you one of them

"little Jonathan ran to the kindergarten in the morning, he climbed a tree, looked for baby birds, but oy vey, the kid has a hole in his pants, he fell from his tree and was punished" - told you ridiculous. no one runs to kindergarten these days, you are driven to it, especially if you are little and you can't hassle the birds, they are angry these days and a hole in the pants is not a problem when you wear such thick underwear like i wear.  who is this jonathan btw?

 

I am now 10.5 days old

on lilo and math

how can i trust the caretakers if they don't know any math? I know i am just 8 days old and still i know more math then everyone. I am hungry, I eat 90 CCs, how hard it is to give me this amount, instead of letting me drink it all, they do 15 from this bottle, 30 from that, now they get confused, do they count with the tube inside or without, how much did you give him, why so much etc... in the end i don't get my 90, i tell them again , they are not sure, finally they give in... now i can go to sleep.

 

I am 8 days old and i heard something horrible was supposed to happen today, not sure what.yesterday they strapped me again, i was nervous and they took me to a new research facility, once again with aliens. they tied me to various devices, one of them told them how much i weigh, then they pulled my underwear off and got my wight again, do you know how embarrassing it is for me to have my underwear scaled. then they tried to figure out my scale in pounds and they didn't know there was a doctor, pharmacist and 2 nurses and they couldn't figure it out? how will I ever get my 90cc?

 

Paparazzi and familiar are obsessed with my LILO (liquid in liquid out), they register on paper how much i eat and when, this is horrible, no privacy. since i cant do anything against it, I decided to help out. yesterday during another under probing i showed paparazzi exactly how much liquid out i have, too bad his hand was in the way, i also left some on their bad, his shirt, the underwear changing pad and whatever i could reach. for some reason they are still counting.

 

they keep giving me new beds, one is enough for me, now they have the swing less swing, they call it a swing, but it doesn't move, why call it swing?

 

by the way, i am gaining weight.

 

on football and lipstick

I know the football is a precious thing, controls atomic launch codes and all that but it doesn't give familiar the right to dress me in a football outfit and take my photos when I don't know yet how to kick a ball. they also covered me with a huge coat and carried me outside the research facility. that was nice, enough with the probing and prodding and cutting. I was strapped to a device which held me firm, reminding me of things I want to forget but no cutting occurred this time and after some time in a red transport unit we reached a smaller research facility. the good things is no more aliens, usually only Familiar, Paparazzi and Lipstick.

 

they took me to a a smaller research room with no other things like me, there is some drawing on the wall, they say its a tree, I can't tell you what colors ,I am color blind you know.

 

my beds keep changing, they have the bed that they carry, the big bed with the bars, not sure if this is prison or not and the small bad that keeps changing locations when ever i wake up, not sure how that works exactly.

I am getting hungrier, i sometimes have to remind them to feed me more, but they are usually OK. they have the sweet stuff and the less sweet stuff, not much variety but so far nothing has been cut so i am OK.

 

they put some device under my bed, it beeps really loud, they have an eye on the side of my bars bead and they wonder why i think it is prison.

 

I now focus on several activities, peeing, pooping, eating and napping or nepp for short, I sometimes do it at the same time, it seems to get the most reactions out of Paparazzi and Familiar. but this morning I made a mistake. I ate, then pooped then they took my underwear again but I had to go, i cant control it yet, sorry. so i went poop then I went pee. Paparazzi's hand was in the way, lucky, it could have been his face, they would cut it off for sure if it had. but they shouldn't take my underwear again on their sleep area i cant control where the pee goes without my underwear. this is why the underwear is there for, to pee in, isn't it?

 

 

will they react again, i hope not, so far its OK.

I am 130 hours old

on finger food and slow flow

god forbid if you have inexperienced caretakers, they don't know what they are doing. it's embarrassing really.

I poop, they change my underwear without waiting, its not fun being exposed, as soon as the new underwear is on, I poop again, i told them to wait but they don't really listen, they changed 5 pairs of underwear this morning only. well. its better then them cutting my butt off, i guess it can always be worse. the familiar and paparazzi seemed very excited about insignificant things. today they were trying to burp me, since when is burp exciting? but I did and they were. 

 

why would paparazzi give me the finger? very rude of him, he found a way to feed me, so there is some use for him after all, maybe I will keep him around. he takes a tube of some kind , places it on his finger and somehow sweet food comes down.

 

earlier today they tried another mobile food source, i drank it fast, then my inexperienced caretakers laid me down on my back, and the food escaped! these guys who are very excited about my poo, pee and burp, were suddenly very anxious, why is liquid from one orifice ok but not from another?

 

so now they learnd, so there is hope for them and they tried another mobile food source with a slower flow, so far all liquid is where it should be.

 

I am half a week old..

 

on grapejuice and the missing piece

I will never pee at anyone ever again, that was a bad mistake, but i didn't think there will be retribution. do you know what the aliens did to me? after a long nap next to the familiar, the aliens took me to the experiments room, they tied me down and gave me sugar water, that was nice and sweet, but it was a conniving move. i didn't pay attention and all of a sudden i get another shot, i tell them to leave me alone, but they don't stop, then they go to the place I peed on them from and i will spare you the details but they cut it off!!! OMG, why would they do that? I am now afraid to poop.

 

after that they gave me some grape fruit juice that sent me back to sleep. not sure what happened while I was out. i heard Saturday was a day of rest, now i fear for the rest of it. some alien  called rid performed my torture, why would she want to get rid of it? why was Paparazzi next to me and didn't do anything but wince, he didn't even use his clicking device, he was no help at all.

 

what will tomorrow bring, I rather not know.

 

62 hours old...

Fwd:

do you know what's common to Abe Lincoln, Itzhak Rabin and me, we were all shot! I was just chilling and cribbing in my crib when one of the aliens took me to the testing area again, I was just laying there when they brought some long tubish thing and shot me in my butt! that hurts man, this world is strange. I am getting 2 food sources now, few times with the familiar and this new thing, a faceless familiar that doesn't taste as sweet but has food in it. after a while my but kept hurting so I pooped, the alien said it was a man sized poop, what ever that means. I pooped again this morning and paparazzi looked at it, he was so curious so i pooped again while he watched, he seemed to enjoy it. another alien probed my forehead today, they said I am a bit yellow, first they said i was red, but the probing device said i am fine. Paparazzi guy still has no food for me but I still let him hold me for an hour without talking, he seems to like it as well.

I am now 50 hours old.

on direct sreams of pacification

what a strange device, its a green food source that does not produce any food, its in my mouth, I try to feed and nothing, it does pacify me, can't they give this device to kim jong-il, it work wonders. the familiar and paparazzi are really strange, can't they give me more food? in protest I filled the underwear with stuff i know they don't like and I even prepared a trap for them, as they pulled my underwear off I charged with yellow stream , but i can't really control it yet, it went the other way. I understand they have a video of the whole event. don't worry, I plan to try the stream thing again tomorrow, Right now I am on the food source, there is no variety in this place. OK going to sleep...again.

On test subjects and underwear

I just woke up, not sure if I am hungry or not but the familiar face offered a food source, so I took it, its sweet.

 

yesterday I decided to let them rest an took my 1st nap, its hard to nap with my skin exposed, they really have to master swaddling teachings, its not that hard. after my nap and more food in sourcing from my familiar, some one took me away to a place that had more test subjects such as myself, all as equally as perplexed as I was, some cried, some left gifts for their perspective familiars. it is hard to remain asleep with them making noises all the time. I was looking for the food source at some point and couldn't find it so I called for them (when I call , its not crying) and one of the aliens took me and brought me to the source. mmmm milk. then again to the room with the test subjects and the next time I wanted to feed they brought me a mobile food source without a familiar attached to it, how strange this place is. in the morning I told the source to not part with me by calling out for them every time i was place in my transporter unit, but still someone took me away to test my peripherals, yes i can hear you, you don't have to scream in my ears, lucky that was a fast test. paparazzi guy keeps changing my underwear, why are they fascinated with my food outtake I will never know. more strangers came , all making baby talk to me, some more aliens probing me, but so far I am not mistreated. i keep hearing something about a circumcision, I wonder what that is?

 

on what did you do today

you have no idea what a day i had today. i was relaxing in my cosy pool, just minding my own business, no one was looking so I peed in the pool, you do it too , don't lie. suddenly i saw the light, i am not supposed to see the light at my tender age so i didn't go toward it, i was trying to hide in my cocoon but someone rude pulled me out without asking for permission. brrrr why is it cold, strange blue aliens in without mouths kept poking me, punching my legs, shining things in my eyes, what is going on? they put my feet against some black dye, lifted me up and down , i retaliated by crying, but they ignored me and kept doing experiments on me. some dude kept making clicking noises with some strange black device, he was not helping at all, my first paparazzi stalker. after a while they brought against some head that i seem to relate to for some unknown reason. the aliens took me again under some hot light and performed more experiments, so i had no choice and tried to pee on them, not sure if i got them or not. after a while i was transported to another locations while the paparazzi guys was following me , taking photos, then some body took my clothes off, again without asking and but some wet cloth all over me, i let her have it with wailing cries, but she kept going. i finally wore her out and she put my cloths back on, weird place here. after some time some strangers made baby noises to me, not sure why they cannot speak regularly or seem to understand what i am saying to them "get me back inside". the familiar person was lying on a bed and they placed me on her and guess what, she has food, i am famished...mmm milk.

 

next few hours were strange, i keep switching from getting food to being held by the paparazzi guy. i keep hearing about like and face book, whatever that is. i some time let the paparazzi guy hold me without shouting at him and sometime i don't let him, he didn't use the clicking device for some time. its quiet again while i am drinking some more, the food source seems to be moving away, or i am moving away from it, not sure exactly, i refuse to nap, see what they did to me when i was awake? i don't trust anyone right now.

 

did you know I was Aries?, what is Aries?

 

did you know my diaper changes color after i pee? its a miracle. after a few more hours of on and off food and being held, i dosed off for 3 hours, record sleep time for me and when i woke up i found i left a special gift for them. the paparazzi guy handled that, and no one used the clicking device on him. i am now laying next to the familiar face and enjoying a late supper, the food seems to never change here.

 

well, that was my first day, I have not heard when i will be placed back in the pool. maybe tomorrow

my 1st photo album

 

https://plus.google.com/photos/104769303678729727539/albums/5863092431010338289?authkey=CPik3pS6q4HnRQ

whats has hair, dark blue eys and has already peed?

I would like to formally wellcome Mattan Even to the world.

Mattan , age 1 hour and 25 minutes was born at 8:04 on april 4th at 3.530 KG 7LB 20 oz, 51CMs 20 inches with dark blue eyes, darkish brown hair with hugh forehead, blond eye lashes and a very cute face. Mattan has already peed the moment i was not there to take a photo, but i did get to cut the cord :)

 

the baby is now enjoying his first milk shake meal (mom was shaking a bit after the surgury) but both are doing very well.

 

Baby's 1st reaction - "what the ... just happend"

more photos and updates later

 

on Turn around

Baby, the final frontier, these are the last voyages of baby X in the warm pool just prior to delivery.

I am a Taurus , like my dad, or I planned to be, so stubbornly, I didn't flip. Who wants to spend 2-3 weeks upside down, uncomfortable, so I remain head up, and what my parents do in response, they come and get me? You are not the boss of me! Lately I hear someone singing "Turn around" but I ignore the request, they also tap me where my legs are to get me to turn, no, it's nice here. Recently I had a shower but I didn't feel any running water. I still hear my parents argue on my name, should I have a middle name or not? Should it be option A or option B. I heard them argue about my profession! How crazy is that? I will choose my own way, or at least I will try to do, since you are already forcing me to out against my will, so prepare for some extra bursts of tears, revengeJ.

 

Ok, I am about to head for surgery. Wish me luck, I don't know what to expect, but I should be back home on Sunday, just in time to watch game of thrones.

Cheers