United we stand

I wrote about the air borne adventures last time

And the next thing I notice when I try to open my lap top at the airport is that I have no lap top - left it on the plane.

So I rush back through security , bounce around between counters, and they go back to grab it. Had a 10 minutes scare, but it is back so I can write some more on airlines- since I am at the airport once more about to head back.

 

Somewhere in America there is a beautiful child  –  (this would be the last clue on the name of the place)

So after the hospital visit we were on, I am sitting at Bozeman’s  hotel room working on the problematic child

Normal field day - 6 am till now at 8pm and the day is just getting started - so I am working on the child and Bozeman thinks he had enough for today and start channel surfing

Till he gets lost

The problem with lost recently for me -  is that I had a problem with the ABC web site and was unable to watch the last 2 episodes, Bozeman is a lost junkie as well and can’t refrain from watching

I try to keep working on the child and not get lost- but it is difficult.

I am trying to focus on the problem and Bozeman is polite and does not tell me to get lost to my room so he can sleep- but the hints are getting more and more obvious -  though he never once said it direct.

There were a few “are you still working on that” with changing tones- which translates to  –  “stop working” , “stop working, and leave” “ stop , working and get lost” etc…

Then he moves to night clothes (luckily not like my own) and gets in to bed.

I know it sounds weird , me working on a problematic child, and Bozeman gets undressed, but it was all innocent – there was no one under 31 and 11 months … hint hint… in that room.

The yawning increases and I am translating that to “get the F out of here”.

Bozeman gets a break at the stroke of midnight , when I decide to call it quits and head to my room. Bozeman says goodnight (which means “finally, you freak- now I can get some sleep”)

I get to my room, watch TV for a couple of minutes and fall asleep.

Just for information purposes  –  it turned out the problematic child was misdiagnosed and I did not have to stay up at all……ohhhhh kids

 

So airport again. The above events took place the night before last, and last night I stayed till midnight on the sea of Jeeves. Getting up at something past 4 was difficult.

But I make it on time for check in, to discover that I was on a later flight ( you see, I am travelling today with the troll (see previous blogs for reference on location), he has the 6 am flight, and he is now airborne and I am waiting 2 hours more) .

So after checking in, I try to see if I can get on the earlier flight- but booked solid. So I am walking with troll to the gate, and see very long lines for security -  and that’s it -  no more united

I leave him standing there and sitting here in some café (that serves hot chocolate)  –  which is the only smart thing I did this week when it comes to flying.

The lines are much shorter now since the rush minute is over…maybe I should get another dose of chocolatin

 

I just hope to remember the above code names in the future –

and can’t wait to get on the plane- (for which I have no seat assignment, so it will be a middle :L((( seat….NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) , close my eyes, relax, and enjoy the flight.

 

p.s I have no children, problematic or otherwise that I am aware of….

 

Let’s do a brief nick name recap

 

We have:

I which is me, also know as hour’s truly, map guy (on the adventures meet up), international man of mystery (on the 20s-30s meetup group), Ilepricaun on youtube or just gil (on facebook and real life).

Racer, a.k.a Pharmacist, a.k.a Labeler a.k.a Alla (which is taking another test at the moment , but take no PT on her, she is kicking A’ss )

Names of places- the beautiful child (new nick), Lalaland (israel, or america pending context), lebronVille (a new never used nick name), Airport (a general name for a place where things are messed up at)

Other people – Bozeman, the troll, Frankie (a hairy LAMA sort of a person)-

the mountain stag (stag harim) a.k.a Amit

‘the contemplator’ a.k.a Herman a.k.a shai

did I nick name anyone else? Should I, or use real names>

 

 

oh lines are getting bigger. Time for security..

 

cheers

just relax and enjoy the flight

Ladies and gentleman we are about to begin boarding for our flight today to Portland

Now boarding group number 1, the rest of you just stand there and enjoy your wait.

… 15 seconds later- last call for all groups on flight x to Portland, just relax and enjoy the line.

Oh, sir your bag is too large, please put this green sticker on it, place it in the side.

Please store you lap top bag under the seat in front of you, so you can have no leg room at all, and try to enjoy the comfort of the flight.

Just so you know you can enjoy more leg room, for 375$ more, so just relax and let us charge you

There are new federal regulations forbidding you placing any items in the pocket in front of you.

So get up and place your book in the over head which is fully jammed , or underneath your seat in front of you which is also jammed.

Please do it before the flight, and make sure you get the 2 passenger next to you to also get up, so you can pass on the way to the over head

The other 2, please stand , relax and enjoy the fact that you can’t sit , till he puts the book in the overhead- but make sure you relax and enjoy the flight.

(this is the end of the month) so please be sure to take our airline brochure, which has no uses what so ever outside the borders of this plane, this will help us keep the plane clean and you can relax at home later and by recycling the magazine.

Please close your cell phones, relax and enjoy the fact that you can do nothing, since your book is in the overhead.

Once we are in the air we will tell you of our estimated arrival time, so you can relax and enjoy the fact that if you knew this info 10 minutes earlier , you might have called someone to let them know.

We just shut down the ac in the plane to get ready for takeoff, but relax and enjoy the heat.

The movie entertainment is about to begin, you may purchase head sets for 3$ or enjoy our upgrade program from 375$ and receive a free head set (and free leg room)

Your wallet is in the bag in the over head, just ask the other 2 passengers to get up and wait… while you enjoy searching in the overhead – where items must have shifted.

You can have a choice of a complimentary beverage (which you enjoy) or enjoy a very overpriced snack pack for 6$, and enjoy going again for your wallet.

You two- seating on his way to the wallet- please stand again and try to enjoy the flight

Wake up sir, the pilot has turned on the seat belt sign so, put your seat belt back on- oh you have them on- sorry, I didn’t see it , because of our useless magazine , which you were reading, since the book was in the overhead, a magazine that you WILL take away, so seat back and re enjoy your nap.

 

Side note- there is a high school rugby movie on right now, and the black guy was just ran over- they always kill the black guy first… even if it is not a war movie- so seat back and enjoy the consistency of Hollywood.

 

“there is a lot of weather ahead of us today” so relax, seat back and try to think how to quantify weather. And how it will affect the landing time, to which you have no one to inform on.

Pss.. can I please go to the bathroom, I was relaxing with to many sodas, so relax and get up, thanks.

Sir, there is no huddling in the corridors, so relax and take your sit. But I haven’t gone…., sir, relax and take your seat.

Pss. Can I reseat myself for a minute- please relax and resume whatever you were doing.

(bath room is free again)… pss can I get up once more… relax and enjoy being asked to be relaxed soon once more…

Ladies and gentleman, please keep your eyes on the TV monitor which will continue to play , while we announce about a turbulence. The movie will continue to play silent till the end of the announcement. It’s a high school rugby movie, and like any other high school sports movie, predictable, so you don’t need to actually listen. So just relax.

According to the pilot “professional opinion” there are turbulences ahead, so sit back, ignore the movie-  look outside, and try to figure out how a turbulence looks like (if you relax real well, you might see it, then relax and try to quantify it). You two, the guy on the isle, and the guy who checked in too late and seating in the middle, try to see the turbulences also , because it is such a big window (relax and don’t worry, Seinfeld  will not sue you for stealing his joke).

We are about to land, so relax and put the magazine in the seat pocket in front of you and all the other items you took the last time you made your neighbors get up. I don’t understand why you have your wallet with you, after the head set and the drinks there are no more items for you to purchase. You two, for some reason you are not relaxed..let him through please… and relax.

According to the new federal regulations there should be no items placed in the seat pocket in front of you- so please store it away as well. But it is your airline magazine. But we have already concluded that you are going to take it home with you, and enjoy not doing anything with it but recycle it. So relax and store it away.

Ok we landed- please relax, and take a lap top beg from leg room in front of you, and don’t forget to relax and take the magazine with you.

Remember to stand outside in the wind and rain and wait for the bag guys to bring the bags- please relax and enjoy the cold.

Remember to take your luggage from the baggage claim, after you relaxed and paid 15$ for before the flight.

 

Relax and thanks for choosing United, we hope you had a pleasant flight and hoping to see you on another relaxing flight soon.

 

p.s – the most of the above (unless in quotations) never took place on a single flight

and sorry, I was relaxed and had nothing better to do J

 

rugby is life, the rest is mere details…I had a T-Shirt that said that…    guess who won the game?

 

photos from buzzard sunday

Buzzard Sunday-
Every year the turkey vultures return to Hinckley reservation to roost
On the same day
So we went there to see them return, do a 3 hour hike, see some ancient stone carving and eat a buzzard turkey burger...

the battle of the eggs

We had a battle for honor, for tradition and for the glory of winning the coveted lord of the eggs competition.

The competition was who can make the best maza bright/ briche/ brite/ however you spell this word

 

I contacted my dad, a long time polish and a respected maza br… maker for instructions , having never made the dish myself.

Alla used her Mum’s recipe – from the Moscow engineering school of egg sciences.

And the battle has begun.

There are distinct approaching to maza cooking-  the wet approach vs the dry.

I am a strong believer in the evolution from dry to wet , and all supports the dry intelligent design.

So Alla begins and mixes the eggs together- 2 eggs per maza, mixing it all up adding way to much salt (I was once a salt junky and now I am completely rehabilitated) , and milk.

I start by separating the egg whites from the yellow and, mixing the white by itself as instructed, than adding the yellow, with a pitch of salt. And adding the mix to the hand crumbled WET maza in a ratio of 1:1. No milk today for me.

Alla takes her mix and makes bundles, I realize I was not instructed on how to cook the think, and use the omelet method.

We use similar pans, so there was no chance of cheating, and I use less oil ( to help reduce the world crude oil demand).

Alla’s bundled maza’s were starting to look nicer then my own , so I persuaded a family of grapes to support my efforts. The grapes were sizzling with joy for this opportunity (actually they tasted not bad at all)

 

Alla was cheating by adding a cleanup clause to the competition while it was held- a part she end up losing, since it is in the female genes to clean parts not under her part of the battle ground (more known as stove and sink). We both cleaned together, just I happened to clean my pan first, and declare myself the winner of the clean up event.

Then it was brunch time and we sat down on the table with the shimmering cloth and examined the results.

And here are the official panel of the judges ruling

	Alla	Gil
Clean work area	10 points	12 points
presentation	8	6 (5 of those on account of the grapes)
taste	10	8
texture	12	4
results	40	30

 

The panel has spoken – and we have a new world mazabrite making champion of the world.

I spoke to my mom later who told me that milk was indeed necessary...

 

 

 

 

On a complete different endeavor- I wrote about the visit of hurricane Katharina- home office version- where stuff was taken from it’s hidden location, spread out and reorganized.

It started with this: I know these are tough images to see- CD’s and receipts are scattered, Luxemburg pens are aimlessly looking for a quite spot, my wallet is on the floor, cell phones everywhere, Alla’s new bag has given up and lies down, even the shimmering table cloth is not shimmering.
   

So the national gourd under command of general labler got busy and your’s truly was put to work and try not to be in the way to muchJ

And the results are astonishing.

 

 

I must confess- I gave up to forces greater than me, and now there is a TV at my house, but no antenna or cable- it is used for DVDs only. I trusted my Camel to make sure no antenna is placed there;

 

even snaky was tired from all the hard work and decided to rest in the corner.

 

Below is our new diet Pepsi platter which also functions as a lighting device, quite handy. On the right is the box of games which can be used for sitting and wearing or removing high heels or boots

 

and now that the cleaning is done, and stomachs are filled with maza and eggs. The queen sat down to sign some royal decree- a kind of credit card application… (clue- not MasterCard, Amex, or diners)

 

 

Oh- ran 3.33 (checked in Google earth) Miles this morning, alone on the streets around my house- road running is harder than running on the machine, on the machine it is hard for me after a mile, and after 2 it gets better and from there I can run a bit easier. On the road it is hard from second 1. The cold air is cutting my face and hands, the uneven ground is frightening my ankles

I don’t do well on uneven surfaces- since uneven is the complete opposite from me and I must look at the ground ahead, instead of looking straight like recommended.

So pushed myself onward in a running but slow pace. And 3.3 makes it my longest nonstop solo outdoors run ever- I was aiming to get to 2-3 outside this week- so mission accomplished.

Goals for next week- 4 nonstop Miles on road and 20Miles of running and hiking over all.

 

Cheers

and if you want to eat maza- avoid this one—this is why I am against religion- maza was meant to be flat and quick, not bulky and bread like- this is organized cheating- and it is done by manischewitz – you can’t get more kosher than that in the u.s . something is definitely not kosher here. This is like lawyers finding loop holes and technicalities to spring some crook from justice- the thought of making bread out of maza is repulsive and so Hippocratic. Believe me- it may say, kosher, but it is bread. If you want to eat bread, just eat bread, don’t sell me this crap. Like shabath elevator, Hasidic throwing stones on shabat- you want catch this stuff at my house, so help me god.

 

 

 

When it comes to strangers , guys are cheap.

St Patrick’s day came and past, and kind of last minute, I arranged a wear green to work day in the building.

Each person who wears green can do so for 1$ donation. There is no soliciting and no mooching in the building, but the building management allowed me, since I was humble and asked for 1$, a greedier request would probably be denied- I seen it on the face of the building manager.

So I printed a flyer a went door to door and quickly made a full proof scientific revelation- guys are cheap.

Every door in which a woman stood at the door, I received donations , or at the very list, smiles a guarantee to post the flyer, any door with a guy, the answers were, busy, not interested, the economy is bad now, etc..- the only exception was a foreign guy, Russian I think. So my scientific rule apply for locals.

My flier promised me coming the next day- on st Patrick’s days itself – fully clad in green.

 

So on the day of the Irish- I had moments of unwillingness to go forward- telling strangers about donations is one thing, but going over the building again for the 2nd round, was harder, especially since I didn’t remember which one’s looked willing and which rooms had just guys. Close to backing out, I moved onward.

Wearing green jeans, green under wear, green buttoned shirt, white and green shamrock ‘Cat in the hat’ hat, green tiara, my green eye ball glasses, the Irish flag (purchased at Dublin , Ireland 3 years prior), another ‘cat in the hat’ hat, but colorfully striped as my collection box and black socks.

I wish I had a photo , but I am unable too due to reasons beyond my control. I forgot.

So I made my second round and collected more funds. I got some laughs, so it was worth it.

The endeavor earned me 41$., for a grand total of 1006$- 18% achieved.

The exceptions to the guy rule are the building manager, who is apparently a long time supporter of the cronh’s foundation, another guy at that office who gave after the woman next to him asked, “so, you are not donating?”. And the Russian guy, who was nice, didn’t have cash, but gave a 1$ check.

I believe I may have gotten more, if I wasn’t wearing my green Celtics shirt- a very no no thing to do here in Cleveland, but they are Irish, so it’s allowed (Kevin garnet is half Irish from county Cork , and Paul mcPierce, you can get more Irish then that).

Not enough  donations since the building is a small one, only 2 stories, I asked some people to move to  bigger building so I can raise more, they said – sure, we’ll think about it…

 

I need to find an office building full of woman…

 

I approached few others recently.

On march 10, the universal day of awesomeness, I emailed chuck Norris, through his web site- it may be a good thing he did not respond, since a response by chuck Norris is a roundhouse kick to the head, so probably for the best.

No response from shaker city, my bank, my apartment building manager, the Reedsport police department who fined me last year, geico, my insurance company, Knesset member Jumes  - for each I sent a personal plea , stating how I am related to them- so far no luck.

I am thinking of approaching some synagogues – if I have to go to temple for funds.,.. that is truly a sacrifice- god is punishing me for something- we have an arrangement, you see- I try to be a kind human being, and he doesn’t force me to pray, wear Yakama, or anything like that- it has been a good arrangement for many years- so we shall see.

 

You are all invited for my scavenger hunt funraiser (d is missing on purpose), my fundraising hikes and other events that will be posted in the near future.

 

Oh- a general reminder of some event next month on April 24^th – if you considered getting me a gift, good- please donate the money instead. And if you didn’t, please rethink!

 

Cheers and have a good weekend

once there was a glove

As you may already know, it is sometimes cold around here, the devices knows as gloves are needed.

 

It all started in what was to be known as the first democratic hike. I participated in lots of hikes, but that was the 1^st one I organized.

I went ahead the day before after work to scout the area, witnessed the roaring waters of the rocky river below, and witnessed some deer, I was freezing with 3 shirts, gloves, and a scarf wrapped around my heat to cover my ears. 45- 60 minutes- not bad for a scouting session.

So the next day a dozen people followed me into the woods…

Being an experience orienteer I rarely get lost, but sometimes I am temporarily misplaced

But today was cold but clear sky- the 1^st nice weekend of the year and we hiked for an hour and a half- till I gathered them and told that , it was time to get back according to the original plan.

Cliff the would be usurper  suggested to move on, I verified no one wanted to go back, so instead of under 6 miles- It became above 10.

We reached the other side of the park and headed back on the other side of the river, crossed lots of brooks, tried to avoid the semi muddy ground and had fun.

Courtney reminded them that cliff got them lost before in this area.

So after 2 hours we reached a fork in the road. One trail went up, the other continued along the bank, I said lets go up, but stubborn people took the easy way….yeh real easy- after 100 meters the road ended, and they looked up at a steep climb. It was steep and slippery, resting on tree logs on the way and using branches to climb. I was in the rear of this climb, helping out, while most of the gang made it to the top when Courtney shouts, have you seen my glove?, I look about and see the glove just a foot away….lucky- going down and up again, no way.

An hour later there was another fork, and cliff figured that left is the way to go. You can’t go left unless you have a good campaigner, I said right and had a road map to prove it, he said he sees house (I agree, there were houses, but we needed to go to the other side of the park, away from the houses), there was a feeling of mutiny in the air, where would the group go- just as a background info- cliff lives close by and hikes there often, it was my 2^nd visit there (the 1^st the previous night) and never on this side of the river)- but I trust my instincts- finally, someone said they were trusting me, and like domino’s they all fell in line (lucky I was right). We soon made it to the river, we walked around some more and entered urban areas.

We cross a street and a car honks at us, I like some of the rest murmur comments on rude obnoxious drivers who have no patients to pedestrians, then the drives honks again, I look back to see a glove on the road, and now it was racer’s glove, I quickly run back, pick it up, signal thanks to the misunderstood driver, hand alla her glove, and try to put on mine (the famous work gloves), I put one glove on, and something is in the way of the other- simply no glove, while I was going back to fetch the other one, I dropped my glove. So I double back and get my glove and we hike on.

We had to cross the train tracks to get to the other side where the cars were, but the tracks are high, cliff tries to climb through the cliffy part, I see ahead a trails over a bridge- that goes up in a more civilized fashion- this was after 3 hours of extraneous hike, so discounts are allowed, we walk the trail, reach small fence, hop over it and make it to the tracks. From there we had great views of a nearby water fall. cliff and his fellow cliffhangers figured the cliff was too hard and decided to walk the street around and we got separated. We crossed the track, to the other side, where some people decided we have enough nuts (someone brought nuts) and spilled half the bag (to the joy of train squirrels, I bet) , and across another brook, to the main toe path leading to the cars.

After a couple of minutes, racer finds that her glove is lost again.. I don’t know why but long hikes make me feel great, and I can probably run now, a lot more then I could with no hike, so I jog a minute back and find the rouge glove, and run back to make it just as we reached the cars.. then we waited 15 minutes more to cliff and the hangers.

Then it was time for lunch. Cliff offered some Mexican place and we went there, decent place , but not ‘uncle julio’ later cliff said we could have gone to another place, near that would probably be better, for offering a more complete menu, not just Mexican,

 

So what have we learned?

Avoid cliffs, they can be bad for your health

The other side of the tracks is not always bad

The hard road ahead may be easier then the short road ahead, look to the distance.

Tie your gloves.

 

Give or take a week later, in Toronto , after the queen musical and the 2^nd shawarma (mmmm shawarma), I put my work glove on and try to put the 2^nd one but it was gone (they are called work gloves , since this was how they were labeled in the store , at Indian river , Michigan few months back, they are the cheapest pair you can have). I like these gloves, they are nice to hike with since they are thin. So sad we walked , one hand in the glove , and the other in the pocket, back to the subway, and there on the floor, like a long lost dog, was the glove.  we passed by that spot 3 hours before, next to a main sub way station on a busy street (in a clean city)- and it hadn’t been moved, and no speck on it (just a bit of dirt).

 

So it was meant to be, and the glove was reunited with the hand that bore it.

 

The end

 

 

 

 

 

the domestic goddess and home improvements

So another audio book bites the dust- another by the same author of the shopaholic.

Samantha known to her friends and audio book listeners as Sam is a lawyer due to unfortunate incident turns house keeper, I was laughing the whole book through, but this gets an 8 on the shopaholic scale. I can’t say why, since racer is few chapters/ tapes behind and I might spoilt the ending.

 

So for entertainment – this week was jason’s birthday – he got a little drunk… and it’s all here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-es0a1FjHsk&feature=related

 

today like the domestic goddess, I found myself completing the hurricane of apartment clean up. Mostly thanks to racer- I have 2 large drawer neatly organized, in folders, sub folders, and some sub, sub sub folders all heavily labeled , ironed and pressed.

Some of you have seen my former filing system- where a drawer is a heap and a file is a pile- so completing the last part (0.34% of the whole thing) is some sort of achievement. So with the domestic goddess in the background ,  finished the kitchen, vacuumed (or hooverd), and yes, I know how to vacuum, I read vacuuming for dummies, and kind of washed the floor. It is still difficult to wash the floor here, since every corner around has a carpet- nowhere to dump the water to. And my shiny dry mop- which sweefed me of my feet a while back, has lost it shininess. I was using it and the music from the commercial was not there. Should I stop listening to commercials? Are they lying to me??.

 

About the link above- do you really think I will expose other people’s shame on YouTube – I will share my own shame gladly like I have before.  I will save the video’s in a private location for future blackmail attempts or something.

 

I received a reply from Manchester united- they told me to approach their charity organization and try there, wished me luck on the run and sent me a signed posterJ, I was hoping to get a donation- but still a nice reply- the other places I approached have yet not replied.

 

I can’t find my camera charger- could it be still in Israel???- so I can’t take updated photos of the updated house.

I have some new items which I never had an understanding of their usefulness, and it is strange to own them.

 

For example- you go out of your way (all the way to Michigan) to get a table- you thing (you, being a guy) that the issue is resolved, but then , since you have a table, the table is cold and needs a blanket (I believe it is called a table cloth), and not just any cloth, it has to be fashionable and fitting with the other furniture- and now we have a shimmering red nice looking table cloth and the house actually looks ready for guests( consider this a formal invitation). So since you have a shimmering cloth, you eat on it, and some of us (I am here by myself right now, so us is me or myself) are messier than most and the cloth risks stains, so you quickly find out you need and every day cloth and a fancy cloth, so a table is more than just a table.

 

The filing cabinet- I was in doubt if it had any actually use- but it proved that it did on week 1- as I was looking up my frequent flier numbers, Toyota numbers and another thing- I actually went there 3 times to get stuff out (and got it back in!)- if I would have read this a year ago, I would have told myself to lay of the Amsterdam space cookies or something.

There is a strange box next to my door now.  Here it is common when you walk in to a house to take your shoes off, not usually done in Israel unless its purring rain , and then the shoes are left on the porch. Here it is common, since there is rain or frozen rain all the time. But I never thought of a chair by the door to help get the shoes off, I guess that’s because I never wore high heels or boots before ( I still havn’t- maybe I should where heels for next Purim). So I have this leather bench for that, which also masquerades as a box to put more stuff, and now it is full of stuff as well- so when you come in and sit down to take of your shoes and want to play a game, than just get up reach within and grab something. The strangest thing happened yesterday, I was actually using it to put socks? It was never needed before, spooky- so guys- if you try, you can find practical usages, but you have to try. And gals – tell him, it’s a box for games…

 

Keys are an interesting thing, they are always needed and yet so often lost (or forgot in Vegas), so why didn’t I think of putting hooks by the door to hang them on- so guys,  you can think of this as a tool to help you not be late for something, and gals, something to avoid fussing about.

 

 I have more stuff yet un assembled- so more on that in coming episodes- of couples guide to the modern bachelor

 

Got to go, already passed midnight and have work + training tomorrow (did only relaxing yoga today)

 

Oh- soon i will send you my Purim photo from this year, did you think I would forget Purim???

 

 

 

 

 

photos froma sunny day part 3

enjoy