on stool sample and other crap

I crapped my pants! no , i am not shamed to admit it. in the beginning they they dressed me up in big under wear, some full body suit and over that another bigger body suit. not they have me in the big underwear, the smaller body suit and pants, they say i am a big boy, so now i crap my pants. did you know i grew another underwear size? life is exciting. but nothing is enough for them, i smile on occasion and they want me to smile more, i look at some cloth painting and they want me to start grabbing things, is nothing enough?

 

they took me to the bad place again, they got me naked once more and scaled me, then they rook a huge flash light and poked in my ear, without even saying anything, i cant hear light!. theyn they gave me few owwees , they shot me in my leg and  my butt. wawaaawhy?

for some reason they are very interested in my poop, color , consistency, texture, why is poop exciting, is this why they collect it from me and store in special bags?

 

they say i am too fussy and i am allergic to some formula, so now they changed my food source to something paparazzi says stinks, i don't know what he means ,i don't smell it. if it stinks, why would you feed it to me?

 

everyone is confusing me, they talk to me in so many languages its hard to understand what they want, and none talk to me in my languages, can you tell them to decided?

 

they started doing ab works for me, they place me on my stomach and look at me while i try to roll around, almost made it once, perhaps paparazzi should do it with me, he needs it more than I.

 

i began to move on the floor, not crawling yet, just moving a bit.

 

did you know i got my passport, and a few days later paparazzi got his. we are going on a trip,  is this a good thing or a bad thing? will i have my crib there?

 

 

I got a new baby sitter, never had one, will she be sitting on me? why would she do that?

 

well i passed my 2 months birthday, told you I was a big boy, sorry for not reporting earlier- something is wrong with my baby2blog app.

 

its been a while so here are some photos of me

https://plus.google.com/photos/104769303678729727539/albums/5884719053839149585?authkey=COGNnsXzkIb_xAE

 

https://plus.google.com/photos/104769303678729727539/albums/5886184915033214513?authkey=CMShkf3Lks26Zg

 

 

Stam yom shel tom (a furry tale)

I started writing this blog entry over a year ago, it was in my draft list since then since the situation changed at the time.

Tom was left at our door step about 12 years ago when he was no larger than a fist. we got Jerry (a white furry kitten) a month before and named it Jerry, so Tom was the natural and only name possible. as a baby (kitten) i took him to the nearby garden on my shoulder and even then when he saw a dog he would use his claws (on my shoulder..ouch). 

Tom grew up and quickly became the master of the house over his rival (well not really) Jerry and the huge guard dog Honey (the same one that hides when thieves come). using his new found power to sleep on my pillow when I am in bed or not, walking on all the kitchen counters and mewing mewing to get someone to open the door outside.

 

i stopped writing this entry at the time since Tom got better, he had cancer and we decided to let him live, he was on the verge but fought on and lived, during the last 2 years he had several episode of partial blindness (related to sugar levels) and a few other unpleasant sicknesses. the question always came on whether to continue or not, we did.

 

Tom used to walk by me when i was taking the dog for a walk, he was scared at first, since the garden had some big dogs, but slowly he would venture further and further and would walk by me like a dog (till a real dog came, and he would climb a tree for safety)

 

tom was the kind of the hood, literally , he would fight with other cats and win, other cats moved away when he passed and some dogs were scared as well. i recall one time he was trying to hunt a raven. he climbed on the tree where the raven was sitting on the very edge of the smallest limb and tom would get close, then the raven would fly to another limb on the other edge of the tree , tom does not give up and runs to the other limb, but the raven is a tough prey and jumps to other edges of the tree (but does not fly to another tree), that was so funny, i wish i had a video camera at the time, he was chasing that raven across the tree with no luck. but he did have luck else where, with a few small but unlucky birds and mice, he would place them on the carpet for us to see like other cats do (well , the other cat didn't).

 

sometime, during repeat battles with other big cats there was a period of quiet, rest from a previous battle and Too and the other cat would pass each other on the street, each looking the other way- you don't see me and i don't see you kind of things, so cute.

 

Tom knew how to make international calls! he would go to the back and climb the window and trip the alarm, and the security company would call my mom where ever she is. imagine her in some other country getting a call about the cat wanting to get into the house.

 

few years ago we lost Jerry who died from smelling flowers, literally. but tom hung in there, sitting on his top perch in the front of the house surveying his kingdom. he remained king almost to the very end. in the last few months he began to weaken and suddenly our mighty battle dog began to take 1st pick at choice food.

on my previous visit a few months ago after not seeing him for 2 years , he recognized me right away and went straight for my lap mewing a lot and complaining on my absence.

 

with only 2 weeks to my next visit, i knew he wasn't well but hoped he would wait. his latest illness was related to warms, not pretty and a broken tooth, he got a shot and was supposed to be better but unfortunately he passed away , a proud aging lion king, liking the neighborhood Tom less.

 

enjoy Kitty heaven

May you always find a fresh open can of food

My Fellow Americans

https://plus.google.com/photos/104769303678729727539/albums/5879129869518273713?authkey=CMunhJye9YimZA

 

a small chapter was closed today.

we went early this morning downtown , heading for the district court. the note said to be there at 8 and we left a bit late.  i got into the court house 2 minutes late and the hall was already almost full. they explained the proceeding then they called us by name. I misheard the 1st name and ended up jumping the line, this part was just to hand in the application form. then an hour of wait wile the read of the rest of the names. then the judge came and try to find out where in the world we come from (none from Antarctica) and our ages and gave a nice little speech. the swore in came right after, the judge read the oath while we all held our right hand up, with an option to say or not to say i do. so after i married the constitution , they read the names once more to hand out the certificates, since i jumped the line before, they read my name right away, shook hands with the judge, signed up for vote, got a government cookie and that's it, a brand new citizen.

does Canada welcome new immigrants?

 

p.s- in the ceremony we met our neighbour, he and his wife becoming citizens too, on the same day, small world.

 

 

on bills and smiles

baby report

what surprises came in the mail for me? i got my 1st letter, how exciting, guess what it was? yes, a bill. I don't have money but some how i owe money? what the pacifier is going on?. the next day something else came in. my birth certificate. now i am officially born, till now i was just an unknown. my social security came on the very same day. does this card provide me and security? no, does it speak, no, so its not social. i don't get this card, all it has is a number.

 

the caretakers took me to the library and didn't get me any reading book! well can't read yet anyway, but they did request for a passport book for me, I am taking a trip, not sure where, I hope they have food there, i get hungry often.

 

yesterday, they say i smiled for the 1st time, give me food when i want to and i will smile more!

 

today they intorduced me to a baby, tiny thing only 4 weeks old, not a mature 5.5 weeks like me, but i am not interested in girls, yuk.

 

 

 

 

 

Photos of mattan and the area blossom

https://plus.google.com/photos/104769303678729727539/albums/5876786443793743041?authkey=CJT9to2etvezaw

 

https://plus.google.com/photos/104769303678729727539/albums/5876787788884097681?authkey=CMmd6_jctN2TJw

 

 

 

on a world record and voices

paparazzi perspective:

Mattan needed a diaper change, not a rare occasion these days, so i took him to the changing pad. the pad usually has some protective layer against mysterious spills. those shield was missing for a while after a prior "incident", and today it was returned to its former clean self. i placed the baby on the edge of the mat, while most of the protective shield was towards the bottom (pun intended). i snapped off some buttons, removed his legs from his leggings, removed the buttons on the shirt, took the diaper off, cleaned up, and then without any warning signs, without announcing whats about to come in audio or gas way. a stream of poo shot out, flying across the protective barrier , landing a foot away from the launch zone, this must be a world record. I was laughing so hard. then went back to cleaning.

 

Baby perspective:

i was napping, bothering no one, when i was taken against my will upstairs, placed a white material, then they opened the buttons, and its cold! what do you do when its cold, you can warm your self like I do, but they took my poop keeper too fast and instead of warming me, it flew away. why are they laughing at me, i am cold...wa wa wa.

 

they invented a new form of torture, they take this tube and put in in my mouth, bah, it taste like medicine, and now they do it 4 times a day, what is that yucky thing?

 

they decided to celebrate my 1 month birth day by taking me to the place with aliens. they got me naked again, put me on the scale, then gave me some food and teased me by putting me on the scales again, they don't have trustworthy devices? why twice?

 

more on the songs they sing to me- translation

"cake, cake, cake, in a circle we turn around. we will go around all day, till we find a spot. to sit, to stand up, to sit to stand up, to sit to stand up"

well i don't eat cake yet, so why be a tease? and why tell me about 3 of them? and decided , will you turn around till you find a spot, or all day? and you know i can;t stand up yet, or sit, whats the point?

 

you know i am getting fatter? I gained 2 pounds, what are they feeding me?

 

can you get the gas out of my food. after i eat this gas thing is inside my tummy, i have to work hard to get it out, not sure why it goes at different times from different places.

 

I am now 32 days old.

 

p.s

that paparazzi sings to me in a horrible voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OMxDfTrXhE

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgOfFy1NCL8

 

on sleeping like a baby and poo water

I really don't understand my caretakers, they worked hard to give me a name, had a Rabi call it out loud, invited people to witness and now they keep calling me by other names, its very difficult to figure when they are trying to talk to me. they call me kushkush, mattanchuck, mattanush, pashosh, pashoson, package, a package with a package, full of shit, poopy, cutey and many others , you see how a baby can be confused!

 

they don't think i am clear enough and they decided to give me a bath. they covered me in clothes, then poor some yellow substance on my hair , and rinsed it off, what the point of putting something on me if you are going to take it off? then they amerced me in water and put this substance on me and right away took it off. the water felt like the womb, are they planning to send me back?

at first i was concerned about this water so in an attempt to delay this treatment, i pooped in the water. Familiar just replaced the water, late i peed in this pool, and again they replaced the water. my powers are useless against this tub. but I didn't cry, i am saving those for later while they sleep.

 

another song i want to translate.

our car is big and green, our car travels far, leaves in the morning, returns in the evening, delivers eggs and milk to the dairy farm.

 

well, our car is red, its not big at all, it doesn't travel by itself  like the green car in the song, is that a magic car? and why would it deliver eggs and milk to the dairy farm, it should bring it FROM this place. and how do you get enough milk for a whole car, and a big car like this one?,is there a pumping matching for the entire city?

 

what does it mean- sleeping like a baby? does it mean waking out every 3 hours and not finding food right away? they are now taking me to loud places, a restaurant, a party and all i do there is sleep, they seemed to like it. not sure why these people dont eat from the bottle, they should try it.

 

i am now 24 days old